Humour & Madness

Shon Ellerton
Apr 18, 2024
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Ward Off Pesky Flies with the Invincible Fly Shield

Shon Ellerton
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Apr 1
Ward Off Pesky Flies with the Invincible Fly Shield

Well folks, I think we’ve finally stumbled across a solution to enjoying nature without being harassed by pesky flies and mosquitoes. Let me impart this most exciting news to you. The other night, I had dinner at the Adelaide Club, one of Adelaide city’s most exclusive establishments. The diners comprised of people from all walks of life including lawyers…

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How Changing a Toilet Roll Determines One’s Personality

Shon Ellerton
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Mar 18
How Changing a Toilet Roll Determines One’s Personality

No morning should start without that satisfying feeling of purging unwanted waste deposits from one’s outer colon as part of our daily ablutions. In other words, in simple parlance. ‘Having a dump!’ I’m expecting some of my readers to recoil in abject horror with my choice of a topic veering towards the world of scatology, but bear with me. There may be…

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Why Not Spend Your Holiday at the Grand Wizard Pool?

Shon Ellerton
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Mar 3
Why Not Spend Your Holiday at the Grand Wizard Pool?

Where will you go for you next holiday destination? Have you run out of ideas? Well, do we have a surprise for you! Why not spend a week at the Grand Wizard Pool Resort, only a stone’s throw from Adelaide’s international airport. This not-very-well-known place is free from the maddening crowds. Rest assured that you may have the whole of Grand Wizard Pool f…

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A Campaign to Eradicate Satire and Sarcasm?

Shon Ellerton
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April 1, 2023
A Campaign to Eradicate Satire and Sarcasm?

Just the other day, a bit of a fight broke out in front of the Lathrop Library at Stanford University in California. It didn’t make much in the way of news as, no doubt, many universities and colleges across the United States has had its fair share of protests and altercations between students and faculty with differing opinions. But what struck me was …

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Xi Jinping Takes an Idea from Winnie the Pooh

Shon Ellerton
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February 28, 2023
Xi Jinping Takes an Idea from Winnie the Pooh

Xi Jinping stirs from his deep sleep and clambers out of his generously sized but functionally unadorned bed with fervour and zest. The room is spacious but surprisingly bare and clutter free. Every item in the room has a practical purpose. There is no room for superfluous nonsense here and, thus, the mind must be freed from such innate distractions. Af…

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Cricket is Such a Weird Game

Shon Ellerton
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January 3, 2023
Cricket is Such a Weird Game

Yesterday was a beautiful cool evening and I was out in the backyard bowling tennis balls to my young son who was armed with his trusty cricket bat. Everything, according to him, is centred around cricket. At least, for the moment. Asking for a mallet, he punctures three neat little holes for the wicket in a lawn which I’m trying hard to manicure, but t…

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My Response to a Failed Speeding Fine Review

Shon Ellerton
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October 15, 2022
My Response to a Failed Speeding Fine Review

Just when I got my points on my driving licence cleared away, I recently got stitched for going 59 kph in a 50 kph zone by one of those unmarked white van mobile units parked between two cars on the side of the road at the bottom of a long hill. Worse, this is the same location I got zapped three years ago. I’m still driving my 2006 Holden SV6 which I p…

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The Tenacity and Stoicism of the British Ice Cream Van Man

Shon Ellerton
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June 8, 2022
The Tenacity and Stoicism of the British Ice Cream Van Man

Between the southern coast of Wales and England’s west country lies a rather treacherous and muddy inlet of water called the Bristol Channel in which the River Severn flows out into. On the English side just south of Bristol lie a few seaside towns, each uninviting as the last. Portishe…

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The Man with the Metal File and the Toilet Roll Holder

Shon Ellerton
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May 26, 2022
The Man with the Metal File and the Toilet Roll Holder

Many of us come across odd things from time to time. In my case, recently, one of my colleagues was pacing up and down the office with, what looked to be like a knife in his hand, but on closer inspection, it turned out to be a thin metal file. I paid scant regard at the time; however, I caught him out a few other times during the year pacing back and fo…

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In Search of Anas Rufus Oculus, the Horror of the Pond

Shon Ellerton
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April 1, 2022
In Search of Anas Rufus Oculus, the Horror of the Pond

It was many years ago when I knocked on the door of my good friend and wildlife researcher, Chuck Evans, in his little home nestled between two lonely hills on the north shores of Lake Athabasca near Uranium City in northern Saskatchewan. Being very tired after the long flight from Montreal via Saskatoon via Stony Rapids, and a relatively uncomfortable …

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Having Lots of Fun with Airport Security and Customs

Shon Ellerton
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March 18, 2022
Having Lots of Fun with Airport Security and Customs

It’s fun to travel. Dashing to the airport, anticipating the experience of going overseas to another country. That peculiarly exciting smell of jet fuel and the spooling white noise of jet engines whilst walking across the air bridge to claim your miniature world of a seat armed with a book and headphones for…

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Yet Another Binary Day

Shon Ellerton
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February 19, 2022
Yet Another Binary Day

My alarm clock woke me up 10 hours before I needed to get to work. Got up and stretched and took my usual 100 steps before retrieving some clothing from the chest of drawers. Made myself 11 fried eggs and made enough tea for 10 mugs. Cleaned and brushed my teeth and walked to the train station, a mere 101 minutes away. The train only took 100011 minutes…

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55 Crazy and Absurd Moments of 2021

Shon Ellerton
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December 31, 2021
55 Crazy and Absurd Moments of 2021

It seems each year is getting sillier and more absurd, so I took the opportunity to collect another fifty-five moments which captured my attention. I may not have substantiated all the stories and, no doubt, many headlines have exaggerated the story, but it can’t all have been made up.

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Biden and Trump Go Grocery Shopping Together

Shon Ellerton
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September 3, 2021
Biden and Trump Go Grocery Shopping Together

Biden and Trump just so happen to bump into each other at the local grocery shop. TRUMP: Hey! Joe! Over here! BIDEN: Hey man, what’s up? Jill decided I needed to get a little exercise, so I’m doing this week’s groceries. I’m surprised to see you here. You don’t seem the kind to do his own groceries.

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Quick! Can You Solve This Question?

Shon Ellerton
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August 30, 2021
Quick! Can You Solve This Question?

Wow! Check this out! Guess what I found in my Facebook feed? Yes, it’s a really difficult question this time. Oh, my goodness. Can I do it? Is it possible? Wait…. Here’s the question. Now don’t be shocked and taken aback when you get the question, but here it is. Here is that question now… It’s coming up….just a minute… So. What is the answer to this?

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The Sheer Grossness and Absurdity of Masks

Shon Ellerton
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August 26, 2021
The Sheer Grossness and Absurdity of Masks

I sit here, in a fast food joint called Hungry Jacks in metropolitan Adelaide. Sitting next to me is my young son who’s enjoyed opening up a little plastic toy as part of his Happy Meal. Millions of Australia citizens are under lockdown but here in South Australia, we are free to roam. At least for the time being.

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Papercuts are Dangerous!

Shon Ellerton
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July 28, 2021
Papercuts are Dangerous!

I found an old gem of an email from 2009 I sent to myself containing a scanned incident report I had to complete when I got a papercut. Naturally, being a little sceptical and cynical at times, my answers to the questions in the form reek of sarcasm but, even now, not being quite such the rebel as I was, I’m thinking of how crazy and absurd this was.

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If Browsers Were Real People in a ‘War Room’

Shon Ellerton
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April 13, 2021
If Browsers Were Real People in a ‘War Room’

Somewhere in ‘The Cloud’, there is a very special room. A room where all the browsers conduct their daily operations. It is quite a large room with a table big enough for all the browsers to sit together and generally argue with each other and to show off who’s best. Such would be life if we could envisage our browsers as real people.

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How I Managed to Expose One of The Most Secret Societies

Shon Ellerton
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April 1, 2021
How I Managed to Expose One of The Most Secret Societies

In the east end of London, behind a secret door accessible only by entering Mile End Underground Station, there is a passageway that extends into the darkness. Once inside this passageway, one can make out the faint audible rumblings of the many trains overhead along with the continual pitter patter of drips from the cold iron-lined walls holding back a…

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Around the World in 80 Days – The Vile Drinking Game

Shon Ellerton
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January 5, 2021
Around the World in 80 Days – The Vile Drinking Game

Now that the New Year’s celebrations are over, allow me to elaborate on what could be possibly one of the most revolting drinking games I had ever taken part in. At some point in time or another, many of us, particularly those of us in our unwise years of youth have partaken in some silly drinking games, which invariably result in being gruesomely sick …

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55 Crazy and Absurd Moments of 2020

Shon Ellerton
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December 31, 2020
55 Crazy and Absurd Moments of 2020

This year has been a memorable one, mostly in not very good ways, but certainly one we are not going to forget for quite some time. I have put together 55 moments of 2020 which I found either totally crazy, absurd, hilarious, inspiring, ridiculous or shocking. My perspective is primarily focussed on what happened in Australia, Europe and the United Stat…

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Wong Kei – One of the World’s Rudest Chinese Restaurants

Shon Ellerton
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December 2, 2020
Wong Kei – One of the World’s Rudest Chinese Restaurants

I was thinking back the other day, would you go back to a restaurant with a good chance being hurled with abuse? Most cases, I would say not; however, if you’ve ever been a frequent visitor of, possibly, London’s most notoriously rude Chinese restaurant, then I’d say you be up for more abuse, time and time again.

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Commuting on the Fart Express

Shon Ellerton
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October 28, 2020
Commuting on the Fart Express

The disposition of having a very sensitive nose is a serious one, especially if one is a regular user of public transport, such as I am. I enjoy my daily forty-minute commute by train into central Adelaide. The train meanders high up on the hillside following the beautiful shoreline of St Vincent’s Gulf to then descend through the leafy suburbs of Bright…

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Caught Jaywalking in Adelaide!

Shon Ellerton
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September 10, 2020
Caught Jaywalking in Adelaide!

Only a few days ago, I made a comment to someone that the police are often stretched; however, I think I jinxed myself because this morning I got cautioned and, not long afterwards, received an expiation note in my inbox for jaywalking in Adelaide. I gotta hand it to those guys in blue today, it must have been a tough job sitting there preying on dastar…

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24 Crazy-Ass Hi-Fi Systems

Shon Ellerton
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July 14, 2020
24 Crazy-Ass Hi-Fi Systems

Anyone or anyone that knows someone else ‘into’ hi-fi will appreciate the crazy-ass mad world of high-end hi-fi. For those who are not, I can take an assumption that this could only resemble a totally weird alien world littered with collections of weird and wonderful contraptions, many of which would not look out of place in a painting done in collabora…

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Welcome to CHAZ

Shon Ellerton
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June 24, 2020
Welcome to CHAZ

In the heart of Seattle lies a six-block enclave taken over by various ‘freedom’ movements in which the police are not permitted to enter by decree of the mayor, Jenny Durkan. It consists of, primarily, commercial store frontage, an abandoned police station and a large recreational park for family picnics and games. Around its perimeter, concrete blocks…

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The Illuminati, World Order and Muzak

Shon Ellerton
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April 1, 2020
The Illuminati, World Order and Muzak

Earlier this year, I ran into an old colleague of mine, Dr. Jay Gottlieb, while waiting for my coffee being prepared in a little seaside café on a cool and fresh misty morning. Business was slow and we had the whole place to ourselves to reminisce and catch up on events long ago in the past.

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Qantas’s Bizarre Complimentary Drinks Policy

Shon Ellerton
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July 21, 2017
Qantas’s Bizarre Complimentary Drinks Policy

For those that regularly travel with Qantas as I do, you may have stumbled across the odd occasion that you may have been requested to cough up $5.60 for your wine or beer. This came as a small surprise to me when I was asked for payment when one of those little mini plastic bottles of wine was handed over to me on one of my flights back home from a bus…

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British Rail’s Secret Scheme Finally Revealed

Shon Ellerton
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April 1, 2017
British Rail’s Secret Scheme Finally Revealed

Introduction New light has emerged on the initiatives created and the methods used by British Rail executives on their indefatigable quests to increase passenger traffic during the mid-1980s. Aside from the marketing campaigns, well-known to all who lived in the UK during the 1980s, for example, slogans sporting the

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